Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Dr MeDeviate's Top Ten, still highly valid in 2010!

10 - Where can I get a record deal?
A: I've heard that they're handing them out smoking fresh at 7ELEVEN, but this rumour is yet to be confirmed. I could sell you one on a piece of paper for $50 000, or you could do it the hard way and 'lend' your body to some big shot, although the latter one is not recommended.

9 - I've heard that time will mend a broken heart. Is this true?
A: Unfortunately not. Time will only shred your heart until you're nothing but a nervous wreck.

8 - What is 'Kitsch-Pop Hell'?
A: It's a place similar to the website you're currently viewing. It's also a place you end up in if you don't believe in the revenge of the mighty doughnut.

7 - Do we really need to build a new world on Mars?
A: Not really, no.

6 - Can we believe what has been said and written about the music industry and its predicted downfall?
A: Certainly, you can believe whatever you like. That's the upside of having a brain that can separate meat balls from a dog's poo.
As it turns out, we are all individuals anyway with an exclusive right to think, feel, say, and do anything we like (except hurting others of course). So, do you really believe in the hollow earth theory?

5 - What has paint got to do with Romans?
A: Oh dear oh dear. . . The paint symbolises agricultural knowledge gone down the drain, whereas Romans are a kind of people, not too different from other people.

4 - Do rock stars really drink beer? I mean really?!
A: The latest reports indicate that the difference between a rock star and the rock stars elderly neighbour is in fact minimal, i.e. they are both happy to enjoy a sniff of port at Christmas. But the alleged debauched lifestyle of what you refer to as a rock star has never actually been confirmed. In fact most of them are merely just small, annoying kids who neither drink beer nor coffee.

3 - What's a Burrito?
A: It's a necklace you wear when you're high.

2 - Is it right to talk to your parents about sex?
A: Well yeah, if you are comfortable with it. After all, they should be in the position to answer your questions in a somewhat 'experienced' manner.

1 - Gee! You seem to know a lot. Can we call you Dr. Phil?
A: I'd prefer not.

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